2021 My Year in Review
If 2020 was the happiest year in my life, 2021 was the most unusual and difficult year of my life. Last year my son and family were forced to stay for four and a half months due to the lockdown.ì had the good fortune of spending time with my son and grandsons. Ìt was as if the universe conspired to give me these magical moments.`the euphoria lasted even for a long time after they were gone. I welcomed the new year by zip lining. For me it was a milestone as ì am chicken for adventure sports.2021 My Year in Review is my heart and soul.
Medical Issues
Turn the page to 2021. It was as if all the medical conditions were bombarding me. My BP shot up suddenly and diabetes raised its ugly head. After getting jabbed the result was out-vitamin D and `vitamin B 12 deficiency. I don’t remember the last time ì had any physical ailments. As I suffer from chronic depression the physical weakness led to a severe depressive episode.I was struggling like a fish out of water, clutching at any straws that were available.ì have never felt more alone in my life. Ì have been living alone for 18 years now. I would rush to my brother’s or cousin’s.or even my aunt’s house Ain’t ì lucky to have so many options? No, as it was not helping me.
2021 My Year in Review
Depression and flight to Bangalore
It was as if the walls of my house were crashing over me In this melieu my childhood sweetheart called. Listening to my trembling voice she invited me to Bangalore. Impulsively ì took up her offer and landed at her doorstep the next day. Ì had thought that a change of scene would do me good. `but alas, it was the jinxed 2021. I put her through the agony of bearing me for a week,I came back home and in a couple of days was going to Goa with my girl gang.
Escape to Goa
Ì set out on this maiden trip to the land of beaches with the conviction that ì would be refreshed and rejuvenated and the blues of the sea would wash away my days of blue.Ì tried to participate in all the activities.We were put up in a fancy private resort.One would think no depression monster would lurk in these magical environs.`but every morning ì would wake up in despair and bring down my anxiety with walking and deep breathing. 4 blissful days in Goa were spent in anxiety for me.
Blogchatter to the rescue
The rest of `March and April, Blogchatter’s activities was my savior. However depressed ì am, I am able to write and this is therapeutic indeed. It kept me active for a month. I got my first vaccine after days of urging me to do so. My son was relentless until ì got vaccinated. He was very happy when soon after ì got my second vaccine. I even got a booster before visiting my grandsons in Mexico.
2021 My Year in Review
My Daughter, my Lifeline
I was okay but still jittery.  My daughter’s visit in May.was my rainbow. For sure I would be fine when she is around.She did come but with her dog! I hated dogs and recoiled from them but Vodka forced me to fall in love with her. Esha was soon asked to shift base to Kolkata. This made me feel insecure and scared. I opted to join her and we all moved to Kolkata.Life was okay with Esha and Vodka but somehow the city didn’t feel welcome. Our torture ended in a month when Esha was asked to move to Hyderabad.It was an unanimous sigh of relief. Hyderabad was like home.
We travelled in the train as we had to take Vodka along. I made a video call to my son to show the train to my grandsons. He was not at all happy with our mode of travel during the pandemic but I showed him how comfortable we were..
My
 Death Knell
After setting up home for Esha, I had thought of moving back home.But my world came crashing down when the news of my son passing away was conveyed.I was inconsolable and this was the last nail in the coffin of my depression.The death and of a child Is called the ultimate tragedy and rightly so. No other incident can be more devastating. I was going through the usual symptoms and stages of grief, But this grief gave me feelings of injustice .Where is the balance in life? Ì had lost my husband at a young age and ì felt that this loss was a nasty blow. While I was grieving
I vacillated between excruciating pain, and numbness— a dichotomy that persists even now i.e 5 months later. Let me warn you that coping with the death of a child is fathomless and cannot be expressed in words. Ìt is the toughest task in life. Parents and children have the strongest bond in the social hierarchy. Parenting basically centers around nurturing and providing for the child even after they have flown the nest. This part of parenting is snatched from you and gives you a feeling oof incompleteness.
2021 My Year in Review
Losing a child is Like Losing the Battle of Life
For a parent it is unnatural to mourn your child as parents think they will go first. Your child could be two or thirty two when they die but the emotion is the same .All grieving parents, especially the mothers lose a part of themselves.The search for meaning in a child’s death is important to parents. Parents seek answers and want to understand why their child was taken but there are no answers. Some parents drown themselves in faith and prayers.There is no guarantee that if you lived your life as a good person, nothing bad would happen to you. The death of your child may make you rebellious and go against the common belief.This reaction is natural; losing a child feels like losing the battle with life.Â
Faith or no Faith
The search for the reason or logic in a child’s death is foremost for parents. Faith is a pillar of comfort for some parents, but for me, with religious beliefs, I feel betrayed and cheated by God. feeling betrayed by God. My dad used to say that if you lived your life as a good person, trying to make a positive change to the world, life would treat you well. Losing a child feels like the ultimate violation of the rules of life.
2021 My Year in Review
The Ultimate Tragedy
Surviving the death and loss of a child takes a commitment to life. You gave birth to your child and immediately saw a successful and happy future. Now you have to find a new reason to live, however difficult or impossible it may seem. No doubt you will survive this trauma but you are going to be scarred forever.Among all the tragedies in life, the death of your child is known as the ultimate tragedy.Nothing can be more devastating. Parental bereavement is like a bottomless well. And parents hold themselves responsible for such deaths or blame it on the skewed law of nature.Â
Grief and Coping
The early days of grieving are excruciating pain on one hand and total numbness on the other; a contradiction that may persist for months or years. Parents who have lost their beloved children say that they cease to exist anymore. Parents and their children have the most intimate and intense feelings. Once a couple has kids their whole world revolves around their education and giving them a good life.
A child’s death robs you of the ability to carry out your parenting role as you have imagined it to be. Parents may feel a sense of failure as they could not protect or care for their child.
Silence of the Tears
It must be remembered that bereaved parents can mourn the death and loss of a child of any age and that it feels unnatural to outlive a child. It does not make a difference whether your child is three or thirty-three when your son or daughter dies. The emotion is the same. Every bereaved parent may feel incomplete or lose a part of themselves.
The search for meaning in a child’s death is especially important to parents. An understanding of why and how death fits into the journey of your life is difficult to fathom. For some parents, their faith works as an antidote and they resign themselves to it. Losing a child feels like a loss of trust in the rules of life. Every individual has a different way of dealing with grief.There is no standard pattern.. How you grieve over the death and loss of a child and for how long will be different than for anyone else. Take your time and grieve in your own way.
Meaning of Death
It becomes all the more important to parents to know the meaning of the child’s death and the life beyond. Faith is a source of comfort for some but others with religious beliefs like me feel betrayed by God. A parent’s life needs a new dedication after surviving the death and loss of a dear one. You have to find a new goal in life, make a commitment to life. You will survive this but be prepared for the changes you will experience. I have aged more than ten years in 5 months.
2021 My Year in Review is an outpouring of my heart and Sou..The most difficult year.. I lost my son, medical issues and travel travails
My son lives on in my Grandsons
It is five months of grieving and I finally mustered up the courage to travel to the other end of the world to see my adorable grandsons. My flight was on 10th December Hyderabad to London, London to Dallas, and Dallas to Guadalajara. Ìt is a long haul but I was prepared or so I thought. Doable isn’t it? But nothing is simple or cut and dried in my life. This voyage was a tumultuous ride.
Travel Travails
Good trips are forgotten but bad trips The British Airways flight was delayed at Hyderabad itself. When we were reaching London, we were informed that we will miss the connecting flight. We had to stay overnight in London and catch a flight the next day. Trust my luck! Nothing is ever smooth and 2021 takes the cake. I was asked to take the shuttle from outside to the hotel. It sounded the easiest thing to do. I walked out of the terminal and kept walking for a good two kilometers before I reached the stop for the shuttle. It would arrive in 90 minutes, ì was told.
2021 My Year in Review
Brrrrrrr London
I was wearing a flimsy tee and a jacket and it was cold out there.90 minutes of shivering and ì was off to Hotel Renaissance Aurora. The hotel was comfortable and so was the dinner. After breakfast the next morning I again waited for the shuttle to the airport. It didn’t arrive. Another coach was arranged. At the check-in counter, I was given a boarding pass to Mexico City. Which wasn’t n my itinerary. Instead of American Airlines, I was again put on a British Airways flight. I was not given a boarding pass from Mexico City to Guadalajara.
Let me tell you that my baggage was booked from Hyderabad to Guadalajara.Â
Hola Mexico
A 12-hour flight to Mexico City. I walked into the terminal and was asked to collect my baggage. As I had a connecting flight I was asked to leave the baggage on a conveyor belt. For my boarding pass, I had to go to Terminal 2 as Aero Mexico is a domestic career.ì was asking for directions and ì would get a reply in Spanish. Ì kept saying no Espanol but it didn’t make a difference. After trudging up and down terminal 1, I was asked to take the bus outside to Terminal 2. Mexico City it was which has a dubious reputation.
I had to get off at terminal 2 and head to the Aero Mexico counter. `Telling them that I was scheduled for the 9.40 flight, I waited for a reply with bated breath. 3 people there categorically told me that there is no 9.40 pm flight. It was already 8.15 pm. Then I rushed to the ticketing counter and he said there was a 9.40 flight but there are no economy class tickets so buy the business class
2021 My Year in Review
Airport Scam
Ì said why should I pay and he said to go back to terminal 1 and get a note from British Airways. I was all jitters and just then my daughter called. She was my savior and asked me to go to the ticketing guy and check the list for my name. As luck would have it, my name was there and ì was asked to run to the security check. Gate 59 was again a 2 km jog for me. ì just about made it to the flight.
Lost my Baggage
When we landed at Guadalajara, I exhaled deeply. Next, the unthinkable happened. My baggage was misplaced. As it is I was on the verge of tears as ì expected my son to receive me. But I just reported the baggage and went home. The baggage in charge, Edgar, assured me that he would find it and send it home. I reached home empty-handed. After multiple complaints to British airways, my baggage came home after 3 days. Do I need such excitement at my age? A flight of fancy.
This whole year has been a strange and disorienting experience. It has been a year of transition for me. Wish I could erase it out of my life and start with a clean slate? Sincerely, wishing that the new year will bring good tidings and be a balm to my wounds.
This is 2021 My Year in Review
For more insights in my life read Circle of life-The women in my life The woman that I am
So much has happened in such a short span…don’t know what to say but more strength to you…
I am finding no proper words to express my feeling. a virtual hugs dear…you are so brave. I hope and wish that new year brings lots of success and happiness in your life. and you get all, what you what in life.
What should I say. I am falling short of words writing this comment. You are a brave soul. Kudos to you. When we lose our lives one, that loss cannot be filled. You are blessed child of God. He has given you and will keep showering you with his blessing to sail through tough times.
Wishing you and your family all the strength. Losing a loved one is never easy. It takes time and effort to just follow a routine. Wish you peace in the coming year.
So much has happened in a year. All I can say is our prayers is with you. And may Allah grant you strength and courage and this all too shall pass. Have hope.
Hugs to you Harjeetji…no words to comfort you… I hope 2022 is a better year for you!!
I am not having the right words to express my feelings but I have tears in my eyes, you have been through a lot, nobody deserves such hardships but then that’s life. I just want to pray to God to give you more strength & show you the right path and give you answers you seek.
Harjeet ji, the year 2021 was life changer for you and so sorry that you had to go through so much. As a well wisher we always wish you with loads of positivity and good health.
You have gone through so much, a big virtual hug to you. I am short of words and cannot express how I am feeling after reading this post. I admire you a lot. You are a strong person and I know and wish that coming years will make you a happier and healthier person with lot of positivity around.
Oh Harjeet, my heart goes out to you. You call yourself chicken but you have the bravest heart. I hope 2022 brings with it a ray of hope and lots of happiness your way.
I don’t hve words Harjit only hugs for you. You are a very strong woman and I am glad you vented out your emotions in this post. I someone felt you were not fine in 2021 and so I kept pinging you on WhatsApp and then stopped fearing I must be intruding. Pls tke cre
I don’ know what to say – losing a child is like losing a part of you and I can’t even imagine what pain you must have gone through. I hope no one gets to see that day. 2021 was a pain I can see. I hope this year will be a much better one. Sending warm hugs to you. So sorry for your loss.
I wish I could say I can feel your pain but I can’t. It’s a terrible thing to battle depression itself and losing your child is indeed the last straw. I hope your find the strength to cope up with this loss. Sending healing vibes your way.
After reading this I am speechless and out of words. Last year when I came to know about the demise of your son, I badly wanted to call you but seriously did not know what to say. At the same time we too we’re going through an elderly suicide which came as a shock to our family. You are a strong woman and a fighter. I salute you for your spirits and the way you are still fighting. Wishing you a lot of good luck and happy times with your friends and family this year. May the universe be kind to you.
2021 has been a mixed bundle. I too had a lot of ups and downs. My mom passed away and I still have no clue why it happened all of a sudden . I’m still trying to come to terms to it. More power to you
I have always adored you for the courage you have shown in sharing your life in depression. What you lost last year is irreplaceable but your vision of seeing your son in your grandsons is divine.
Firstly lots and lots of hugs to you and love. A loss of a child is unfathomable and no words can comprehend the grief a parent feels. The year 2021 has surely tested you with all its might but you stood through it.
So much happened in such short span of time . I have no words for you but a tight virtual hug . Stay strong .
This is blog is so unfiltered and honest that it motivates every reader to share their hearts out. You have correctly mentioned that writing blogs is therapeutic.