SHE- is Courage
In this Tribute blog, I’ve dived deep into the recesses of my mind and bared my soul. SHE- is Courage is my story. Spotlighting the fact that life goes on even after grief, pain, abandonment, deceit, and mental, emotional, and financial abuse, interspersed with spurts of joy. I am going through anxiety attacks while I am writing this.
Teen Bride & Post-Natal Depression at 20
Almost a child bride at 19. I had my son at 20. They did not diagnose or treat post-natal depression as it was unheard of. I spent 6 months in a personal hell hole. The complexity of the C-section increased as I weighed 38 kg when I conceived. Maybe that was the trigger for post-partum to become clinical chronic depression.
SHE- is Courage
I forgot all, and I had my daughter at 25, expecting everything to be rosy as I was fine and healthy. I planned my son’s 5th birthday and the birth of my daughter from my hospital bed. Esha was born on August 25th and Pratik’s birthday was on September 10th. It was an upbeat party, and I went to bed swathed in happiness. The next morning, I rudely woke up to the post-natal monster.
By chance, my brother, who read a lot, had read about post-natal depression and took me to a psychiatrist. I was on medication, yet it took 6 months to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I thought I would not have any more kids and I wouldn’t have to go through hell anymore.
Monster strikes again
The next 4 years went by smoothly. I was on cloud nine with my son and daughter. We moved from a joint family to a nuclear family. I never enjoyed eating alone, and I started skipping my afternoon meal. I was weak, and the dreaded depression beast attacked again. It horrified me, as I thought I had gotten rid of it. I was then put on permanent medication, which I still continue.
Perfect Mom and Wife
I was an ideal mom and wife. Spent most of my time devoted to the kids. I never had an argument or fight with my husband in 21 years of marriage.
The World Turned Dark
Then came the Holocaust. My husband suddenly passed away when I was 40. Except for the roof over my head, I had nothing. Family, friends, and society ostracised me as if I was a pariah. In India, being a widow is still a curse. We consider a widow a source of shame, isolated by society. I took it all stoically and kept my chin up. They derided this and some more murk landed on me. What I needed was empathy, but there was none.
Started My Career at 40
I stepped out in a few days looking for work. Thanks to a friend, Seeta, The Hindu Metro Plus, asked me to write for them. Except for my kids’ essays, I had written nothing. I was a bookworm and kept reading. This helped me in writing about lifestyle, dream homes, fashion and trends. Let me mention that this was pro-bono. They only paid me 500/- for an article after 6 months.
SHE- is Courage
Putting myself totally into what I was doing, I ignored the poisonous talk about starting work within a month. I joined an NIE program of The Hindu. I took 2-hour classes for school kids and earned 200/-. If one class was in the heart of town the next would be in the suburbs. For someone who always stayed in the comfort of her home, roaming in the sun was difficult.
I had to scale down my standard of living. I started managing with much less. It was simple living, but finding joy in small things. Less was enough to keep us happy.
SHE- is Courage
The writing was therapeutic. I used to go interview people for my articles, which soon had a good following and people looked forward to reading my article over the weekends. My blog started in 2009 was a place to vent. I poured my heart out.
40 to 50 Gone in a Daze
My husband treated me like a queen and here I was sweating it out. Wagging tongues alleged I was having a great time as I was going out to work. I knew I had to educate my kids and put them on their feet. Such things never registered in my mind.
After 2 years, my daughter went to Delhi to study, and I was on my own. I have an enormous home which became a house without people. When I was having depressive episodes, the whole family used to rally around me, but now I had to fight my inner demons alone.
Smile Through my Tears
I have a smiling face, to the chagrin of my so-called moral police. Never, ever cried in front of anybody. When you lose someone you cherish, you gain the strength to face anything. From meek, naïve, gullible me, I could stand firm and face all this adversity valiantly. I smile even through my tears.
My Dad is My Hero
When negativity encircles us, it becomes tricky to be positive. My 86-year-old dad was my rock of Gibraltar, during this time. It devastated him when my husband left us.
In the meantime, I was selling garments and imitation jewellery. I was a sought-after Mystery Shopper and I also evaluated budding beauticians who had done the course in the PMKVY.
SHE- is Courage
I was always in self-pity mode and felt sad for myself and the kids, but last year I stopped. Changed jobs–Spoken English Trainer, Director of a net company, admin and marketing of a mall, and started my Personality Development Institute. They sabotaged this from inception, and I had to look for a job again. My last and best job was with Air Costa. It was short-lived as I had a Spinal Fusion and they advised me not to work full-time.
It was a distressing time as I lay on my bed alone and looked up at the ceiling. I had no job, and no income and the depression hit hard. Thinking of ending it all, I got sleeping pills but my virtual friend, Moushmi, called and saved my soul
Hovering Vultures
I was 40 and reasonably attractive. The men saw me as an easy target and hovered like vultures. By patriarchal and primordial logic, a widow is available and desperate. I stood up for my integrity and self-respect. Sexual harassment was a problem in every workplace. I stood my ground as I value my self-respect immensely. I left the job or gave a smart retort.
Brainwave and a Homestay
One day, I woke up to a brainwave. I had extra rooms in my house and I started giving them out for rent. Within days, I was running a homestay, which became my only source of income.
Yoga, meditation and a 5km walk
I had been used to the gym, but the exorbitant fee made me take up yoga. It was the best decision I made. Yoga is more than a series of asanas. The class was on the 5th-floor terrace and it was a joy to welcome the sun with Surya namaskars. This way of life stressed things like being mentally calm, humble, kind, breathing, and respecting your body. Yoga is integral to life and helps me drift through my anxiety attacks.
Believe it or not, I have never walked as an exercise other than on my shopping trips. I played badminton and TT but walk, never. Now I walk 5 km daily, which is the highlight of my day. KBR park and the peacocks are great motivators.
Practising Mindfulness
My depression is chronic, and at one time, the whole family used to rally around me. And now I had to fight my inner demons all alone. I was open to trying anything to kick out my anxiety. I have been talking openly about my depression and actively seeking help. Practising mindfulness, I tried to control my negative thoughts and stay focused.
SHE- is Courage
Hoping that there was a way to overcome my fear. I practised breathing and meditation, Access Bars therapy, Reiki, Praniki, and now Tapping. Last year I started practising Positive affirmations and did an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)course which helped me disassociate from past traumas.
2020-Happiest Year of My Life
My son and family were here for vacation and got stranded during the lockdown. They spent four and a half months with me. I was in a blissful state; happy with my grandsons.
2021- When Time Stood Still
Nothing had prepared me to deal with my son’s passing. It destroyed me. Time stood still, and it left me lamenting my grief. I felt like it ripped apart my umbilical cord. It shattered me into a million pieces and I thought there was no way I could be whole again. My daughter and I sought solace in each other. I went to a therapist who was like a friend and she made me see life as it is.
Why is losing a child so painful?
The pain of grief is tremendously strong for a mom, as it is the finality of not seeing the child ever again. While memories flood the mind, there is deep emptiness and an inconceivable void in life. One goes through 5 stages of grief. The first is shock, denial, guilt, anger, and depression. I was in denial for a very long time, and I could see and hear him call out to me.
SHE- is Courage
During my mourning period, every person who condoled me asked me to be strong. It infuriated me to no end. I started asking if there was a pill to get strong, and then I will take it. I lost 17kgs in a few months. It scared my grandsons to see me distraught. One fine day, I woke up with the resolve that I was going to move on. I will celebrate my son’s life and the wonderful human that he was.
I stopped playing the victim and started accepting that I was STRONG.
SHE- is Courage
What did I do to jump back into everyday living?
- I found humour in many things. Stand-up comedy is what I watched. I practice humility and take it slow and easy. I am always available to anyone with a mental health issue and I help them out of it. There is great solace in helping others.
- I am grateful for what I have. I never avoid, being thankful.
- Yes, I realised these traits late in life but then it is better late than never. I discovered self-love only in 2020.
- Value my life –
- Life is incredible. It is a privilege to be alive. Yes, I have gone through difficult times, but life is still a blessing. Each one of us is unique. There is none like us. Only you know your journey has been rocky, but you overcame it, learnt something and are a better human for the experience. I appreciate myself as I’ve been through every bit and still am standing tall.
- Positive self-talk-
- I trained myself to come out of the negative mode and talk to myself compassionately as I would to someone I love.
- Positive affirmations play a powerful role in my progress.
Self -Care
I always neglected my diet. Spending money on fruit is an extravagance, I thought. Never used to have any salad. Now I make a conscious habit of eating fruit and salad every day. I rarely eat out or takeaways. I eat fresh home-cooked vegetarian food.
From wearing hand-me-downs all these years, now I buy my own clothes but never splurge. I may have had a tough life but how I dealt with it makes all the difference. Never give up!
SHE- is Courage
I always mouthed this cliched line, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” but for me, I had no option and had to face setbacks often and move on. Prosaicisms like–‘every cloud has a silver living’ or ‘there is light at the end of the tunnel’ sound good, but only if you live through struggle can you comprehend what that person is going through.
A woman’s true mettle shows when she is put to the test. The person I want to exist on the other side of tragedies, hard work, and the fear of what life has in store. Yet, I rise like a phoenix from the ashes and emerge stronger, smarter, and more impressive after every catastrophe.
Last year, I was gloriously victorious. By sharing my experiences, I just want to show my sisterhood that it’s possible to walk the off-beaten path and stand tall again.
This blog post is part of the Women’s Day Blog Hop, themed on She: A Tribute to Her, hosted by Swarnali Nath
‘This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter’
This post is a part of Blogchatter‘s weekly Blog Hop prompt.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Mads’ Cookhouse.
*hugs* for the struggles and losses you have faced in life. Your story has inspired me to never give up or take my blessings for granted. Thank you for sharing this!
Some words that I’m gonna remember for a long time, “I may have had a tough life but how I dealt with it makes all the difference.” and “When you lose someone you cherish, you gain the strength to face anything.”
You have a permanent fan and cheerleader in me. Keep writing and inspiring 🙂
Thank you, dear Manali
A life story were you recovered and showed you are not only brave but wise and value your life and moved on to shine through is commendable. More positivity and wins to this honorable human. 🙏
That introductory quote is so powerful. After going through a tough phases in life and still not loosing hope, it requires courage. The initial road may have been bumpy but now when you look back, I am sure you must be thinking how far you have come.
Honestly Harjeet when I say “you are an inspiration” I really mean it,; the firmness in your words says it all. Our society needs this courageous, Harjeet. Who always picked the brave option and inspired us by giving back harder to the all those tough times and shined like never before!
Your initial quote just surmized all the women Harjeet. Its easy to pick up the negative or victim mindset and remain there. But you choose the stronger side and coming out of it with a tough fight. I honestly don’t know how to comment after reading your story. You are a big inspiration for most women out there and I think you should pen down your lifestory.
Thank you, Suhasini….intention is to motivate those who give up.
Harjeet, this was both gut wrenching and awe inspiring to read. So many struggles and here you are writing about them, sharing that strength. I cannot imagine going through repeated bouts of depression, and then being a single mother, the way you found jobs, sold jewellery, I have seen my mother struggle alone and the way men used to treat her when they knew she was divorced. I have known my grandmother’s struggles too. You all leave me wide eyed! You all have so much star dust and magic in you, it inspires people like us. Hugs! Sending you so much love!
Awww..thats so sweet of you, Ranjini.I just wanted to share so that no woman gives up.Life is too beautiful to miss out on.
You are a true inspiration, Harjeet. I can only imagine how much strength it requires to go through all that you did and still stand tall. Yours will be a story I pass on, so that more women get inspired and learn to never back down. Thankyou so much for sharing this. 🙂
Thank you so much. The intention is to share so that all women stand up and not give up
I have my mom too, early marriage of hers, lost her husband just 5 years after marriage and she has a girl. Life was hard for her. Yet she overcame, and she gave the best for me. I feel so proud of her.
Thats great to hear, Sadvika. You should cherish her.
I applaud your courage Harjeet!! 👏
The first quote says it all. You are an inspiration — going through complicated bouts of depression, loss of loved ones, standing up to society and finding self love and becoming an advocate of mindfulness and positive affirmations through your blogs. You should be proud of yourself. I heart goes out for you. I suspect you have crossed the chasm, so self love can sustain you through your depression cycles. Keep writing, supporting, and inspiring others.
Harjeet, the more I say you’re an inspiration, the more I wait to tell you how special you are. I am glad that you have decided to write about your story of life. It is indeed an inspiration for all. While reading your story it seemed like you have lived a hundred lives in one life. More power to you, always. I want to see you smiling always. Stay happy, please find your space of solace. Thanks for joining our blog hop to celebrate women’s day together.
Thank you, Swarnali. Life has been such but never gave up. Very dogged I am 🙂
Harjeet, I am also guilty of asking you to be strong when your son passed away. Of course, I know it’s not easy on any mother, But at that time, there was no other way we could reach out to you. Please excuse me. You don’t know, but you are an inspiration to me and to many, by standing up every time life pulled you down. As I read your post, I was imagining you through all the phases and wondered how it must’ve been. Sending lots and lots of love, hugs and positive vibrations your way.
Harjeet I am not finding proper words to express my emotion after reading your post. I already know much about your journey as I had read most of your previous posts. I have to say you are such an inspirational lady who fought various life struggles bravely at different stages of life and deal depression with positivity and hope. wish you all the good luck in life and hope you get all you want in life.
A moving moving post, Harjit, that makes me want to reach out and give you a tight hug.
You have been through so many ups and downs, and yet you stand strong! I have known you through social media for almost three years now, and I applaud your courage for accepting whatever comes your way with dignity and grace.
I know life has been extremely hard for you, but you have inspired so many women. Take care and God Bless!
Thank you, Harshita. If I could help even a few women, my life would be worth it.
you are stronger when you can inspire us to live life to the fullest after such hardships and when I see succeed at new things it gives me joy. Wishing you the best in all that you do.
This is a gut wrenching post Jeete. Like each word has been torn out of you. I feel the pain, the loss, the fear, the helplessness and then like you rightly phrased it the fight back, the mindfulness , the self love you pushed back with to “rise like the Phoenix” time and again. Even though I know your story , I never knew the details that you have laid bare here. My love and pride for you as a human being has risen more than I can express adequately. All I can do is humbly pray to the Lord above to embrace and guard you with His most loving angels from hereon and ever.
Thank you my beloved cheerleader. You give me so much strength to go on. You and amma inspire me so much, that’s why I keep crying out to you for help.He Is going to guard me from now on.
Wow that is some story you have there. Married at 19 and blogging in 2009… I’m amazed. Tight hugs to you. It’s great you have a homestay. Maybe when I come sometimes, I can stay there!
Thanks, Cindy. Hugs back to you. I am afraid I gave away my home for lease and now I live in Hyderabad, as you know.
Touching personal story so candidly shared. You have been through a lot…
Happy that you chose life & got up stronger each time.
So proud of all your accomplishments. May God give you more strength.
Thanks, Anita…Life has something really good in store for me now
You have always been someone I have looked up to, Harjeet. Had goosebumps reading the post. I am truly at a loss of words. Your life journey and your spirit to fight every struggle life throws at you are an inspiration to so many of us. You truly epitomize She is Courage. Keep inspiring.
It was a really moving post and a truly inspiring one too. I have been reading your blogs for a long time now. I did know that you have had a tough life but reading it in your own words moved me a great deal. Would love to meet you in person Harjeet.. do message me
Thank you, Deepika. I will for sure. I am looking for company in Hyderabad
Life is like water. It finds its own ways, over rocks, through crevices and past puddles. But we realize this strength very late, with many experiences. Now, that you have seen the many hurdles, you have also found yourself, turned to self-care and self-love. It’s beautiful to read about your courageous life.
I truly agree of what you said that crying and fighting is the only source that will help us all in our fights. I truly salute you for everything you did and how you put together your story in such a way I felt sharing the space with you. Talking openly about depression and practicing mindfulness is amazing .
Thanks, Anasua.When you give up on life what is there to live for? And somebody has to talk for others to open up, isn’t it?
The story is both gut-wrenching as well as inspiring. I applaud your courage Harjeet. Reading your post I was counting my blessings and thinking about your bravado. Kufis to your courage
Thank you, Sreeparna.When we look at others’ lives we realise how blessed we are.
I am literally in awe of your courage and stoicism Harjeet! I was shocked last year when I read about your son. But this whole timeline is on whole another level. Only one word for you: Respect. I don’t think I have known any woman as courageous as you. Sending love and strength.
Thank you, Mandira.Just an avenue to reach out to those helpless women who give up.
With this post, you ripped my heart apart. For all the years that I have known you trust me, I have always kept you in my prayers every single day and seen you emerge stronger from every setback. You are truly an inspiration to so many. I have no words but immense respect for you, will surely come and stay in your homestay someday
Thank you, Roma. You are a sweetheart.
Respect Respect Respect🙏. I can’t think of any other word. Thank you for sharing your life with us Harjeet. I am numb now and don’t know what to say. So many unimaginable hardships and life shattering events, yet you rose like a Phoenix. Truly truly incredible and inspirational…
Thank you, Kaveri. Even if one woman could change her life for the better after reading my post, I would be really happy.
I wish and I pray to meet you someday face to face … all I want you to do is to bless me to be a woman with so much mental strength like you., You proved yourself to be a woman who never bow down in front of time and always stood strong and emerged as a winner in every aspect of life. You are a woman who is an inspiration for millions of woman worldwide. I cant explain how this one blog post of yours today changed my way of thinking about life. There were many episodes in my life where I felt so weak and wished my life to come to an end as some pains turned unbearable for me. But I somehow survived and today after reading your post I felt what a fool I was as for so small things in life I felt so depressed without looking at the bright side of things. Harjeet mam I honestly accept that you changed my thought process and I cant thank you enough. Thank you for being an inspiration for me… You are unstoppable … You are inspiration for me, You are that angel whose magic stick made me feel blessed and strong.
Thank you, Samata. Please dont put me on a pedestal. I am grounded and like being that way. I just did what life made me do. It is nothing earth-shattering. But I am glad that I was able to make you realise that the cup is not empty but half full. Let the cup runneth over and help others, is the idea behind the post.
This is truly inspiring. I love the flow of the post and how you have highlighted so many qualities you embody. More power to you!
Most of it gave me goosebumps as I was totally engrossed. Its sad when women only don’t understand each other and put them to go tru such stages in life. I always feel a firm hand and words of encouragement from other women will always encourage or motivate one the get out of their current situation.
Your life story and courage to overcome every challenge life throws at you are an inspiration to so many of us. You are a woman who inspires millions of other women. I can’t explain how your single post today changed my outlook on life. Your narrative of resilience in the face of hardship is incredibly amazing, and it serves as a reminder never to give up and to cherish our blessings. 🤗
Harjeet Mam, you are really a warrior. Depression and fighting with one self, with family who did not bother our feeling is tough. I have been this family drama and depression in my teens age. You are inspiration to all woman and true example that life is filled with so many ups and down. How we can go with flow while taking care of ourself is the most important part. You are courageous to fight with your depression all by yourself. A warm hug from me.
Harjeetji, you motivate me so much. Reading your story has me so much more inspired and encouraged to live my life to the fullest. The loss you had and the way you have held yourself is so amazing. I totally agree with you when you loose someone and people advise you to stay strong it infuriates you more. We all take out own time to get out of the grief and others should respect it.
I cannot even imagine the courage it must have taken you to pen all this down; I didn’t have enough courage to finish through it. I am so so so honored to know you, Harjeet ji 🙂
Reading about your life journey broke my heart but also made me very proud of you. It takes a lot of courage to fight against how life has treated you and come out tops. You are an inspiration, Harjeet. God bless you.
I’m glad that I’m reading this post after I’ve had a chance to meet you, Harjeet. After meeting you one can never imagine the immense struggles you’ve been through mentally as well as in other ways. You have such a great personality and I’m super proud of you for conducting yourself with such strength, grace and dignity through every phase in life. Had a great time with you! Hugs!
I work as an anaesthesiologist and have had many a harrowing moment in the ICU and operation theater over the last 20 years and I can tell you for a fact that I do not possess 1/10th the mental courage you have. I could never have found as much strength as you have through all that life has thrown at you.
You are truly an inspiration
A big hug ! Harjeet , you have always inspired me and reading this blog post with your pictures as a girl to the strong woman that you are now gave me goosebumps many times ! Life is full of ups and downs but the way you have faced your downs in life is truly inspiring ! This blog is going to stay with me for a long time. I wish you happiness and good health for future. May you keep inspiring us with your zest for life ! Kudos to you .
Oh my God, I started crying while reading your post. You are one of the bravest and strongest one Harjeet Ji. An inspiration for sure. A strong hug for you. We all are going through small issues, but dealing with life and stand strong , that lesson I learned from You. I wish you to meet one day. Please keep writing, keep inspiring and take care of your health. Love for you ….
Oh my! Thank you for sharing your personal story! I hope you believe me when I say it truly inspired me, and I know a lot of people and women would be too! What you’ve written are all true. I could only wish you more blessings and the best of whatever future holds for you!
Having met you recently ma’am, I could never tell you’ve been through so many trials and tribulations in your life. Hats off to your undying and fighting spirit and a big hug. May all women learn to be strong and brave as you and face life with a smile and passion.
You are a beautiful soul Harjeet ji. I always loved your writing. This story of yours touched my heart. I can not even imagine how it feels to loose people you love. Your are strong and inspiration for many women. Keep smiling and writing.
You rightly said that She is courage. Every word of yours will resonate in my mind forever. You have faced a lot in life but you choose to be brave and powerful. There is so much to learn from you Harjeet Ji.
There can’t be anything stronger than waking up with instant positive thoughts a fine day. I knew about your son passing away and how you can up strong but didn’t know about the earlier struggles. You are one strong woman who is light to many others seeking help from depression.
You make me feel that I can do anything and everything. Your words have the power to change the world. Your journey is super inspiring. I am glad I read this blog, it’s one of my favourite blog that I’ll keep coming back to whenever I feel low. Thank you so much for telling your story.
Hugs to you Harjeet and heartfelt condolences for your loss. I lost my mother too in 2021 and my life came to a shattering pause. It’s not easy to get over the grief and move on. You’ feel guilty of living without them and the abyss of thoughts drown you, but hats off to you for your courage and strength. You are truly a phoenix who rises from her ashes and stands tall again to face life’s challenges and adversities. I salute you Harjeet for your spirit and never say die attitude. You are truly an inspiration!!
I could read and re-read this story many times, what a powerful woman you are, Harjeet ji. I am speechless by the efforts you have taken to make it ideal for everyone. And, here we crib even on the tiniest of things. Hat’s off to you.
Thank you, Dipika. I never knew I had it in me to do it. I led such a cosseted life before 40. Circum stances made me I guess.
Oh My God! To be very honest I am short of words to comment on this post Harjeet. Your life story has not only moved me but also made me realize how powerful you are! This also reminds me of my Chitthi(my nani’s elder sister) and her life which was as similar as yours! As a reader, I am humbled to know you through this blogsphere. There is so much pain that one can endure in life, and losing a child is one of the toughest of all the pains. It must have taken so much courage for you to bare your soul in this article that maybe I can’t even comprehend. But I am glad that I read this, as you have made me realise how pettily we take things for granted and react to everything/everyone around us. We all get one life, it needs to be lived with courage, happiness and without inflicting pain in others.
Thank you once again for sharing this! So so proud of you!!!
Thank you, Amritha…The intention is to help others like me…not to give up and gratitude for what we have as there are many with much less.
You truly are a force to reckon with. Hats off to your courage and strength. Your words have so much power that it motivates me to move forward with equal guts. Thank you once again for sharing your story with us.
I have always looked up to you for inspiration. You are one of the strongest women I hv come across. Lots of hugs to you.
Thank you, Ujjwal.You are too kind.