Postpartum depression | Imprint on my life
This blog is just not my memories pouring out but a cry coming straight out of the depths of my soul, but to share my hellish experience with other women who are going through a harrowing time due to PPD. It is about Postpartum depression | Imprint on my life.
‘This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter’Â
About Postpartum Depression
Almost 20% of women are affected by postpartum depression and it is an illness just like a common cold is! But the sad news is most people educated or uneducated, rich or poor are not aware that it can be treated. I wish I knew how to increase awareness about it. Also, help those women who are suffering from it. And the good news is that it is temporary and does have a cure.
I grew up in a fairy-tale world I had created in my mind and thought that life would be just like Hans Christian Andersen describes in his fairy tales. Marriage at 19 was a rude shock to handle; becoming a mom in the same year had mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness about having a baby at that point of time.
Media and Motherhood Glorified
There is one thing that rankles me most as to how motherhood is depicted in books, and in advertisements everywhere. All rosy and picture-perfect with the baby gurgling away happily;Â and the mom smiling and prim and proper in her new avatar of a mom. I feel that the media should not be showing just the white, as grey and black to have a significant role to play. Every mom to be should be prepared for a major and I again stress …on a MAJOR change;Â in your routine and your whole life is going to become topsy turvy and the sleepless nights and a colicky baby to boot along with the 24/7 being on call. Yes, I know motherhood is THE perfect and best part of my life, and my baby was no less loved than any other. But I wish I were prepared and aware of all this. Now, one has so many mom-blogger experiences to read, the internet and awareness to bank on for any kind of info on pregnancy and how to deal with being a mom.
I was looking forward to the birth of my first child and all my thoughts were of the perfect mother that I would be with a chubby and cutest baby in the world in my arms. I was scrawny when I was married weighing just 84 pounds and was teased by one and all that I would give birth to a wet rat!! But then I have always proved people wrong about everything I did! I gave birth to a rather heavy baby of 8.5 pounds baby. He came into this world on a very rainy day and by a very primitive and painful C-section.
Maybe I was too weak to have a baby and having an inverted pelvis I had to go for a C-section which took its toll. Sadly my gynaecologist could not do the surgery as she was suffering from a heart condition and I came to know much later that the doc who actually did the surgery was not even a surgeon!
My Son, my First-born
My son was a chubby and cutest bundle of joy and I wanted to hold him close but the pain of the sutures and the bilaady 10 saline bottles in 2 days were an obstruction. I was helped to sit upon the third day when I first took him in my arms and held him close. The eight days in the hospital were real torture…the smell of disinfectants and the gloomy ambience ( I was in a single AC room but still) added to my misery.
When we went home my baby whom I named Kunvar (which means prince, my own little prince)) was the object of attention for the whole family. But it was a rude awakening for me when my much-loved baby turned out to be colicky; cried all evening till late in the night and slept only when the first rays of dawn was breaking. I used to sit up and rock him all night while my husband, tired from his work took solace in blissful sleep. Other than this all was fine until a month after he was born and then came the holocaust.
Signs of Distress
Suddenly from a bubbly young mom, I became a bundle of nerves, weepy, scared and completely contradictory of what I actually was. It was like I was playing the roles of a female Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. My poor husband and my family had no clue what was wrong with me. Either I was going mad or it was some kind of witchcraft I was under. I suffered like this for almost six whole months before I was normal again. Thirty years ago there was no Google to type in the symptoms and know what the illness was and the remedy for it. I went into a cocoon filled with fear and misery not knowing that what I needed was medical help.
But when I was fine I forgot the trauma thinking it was a bad dream and got into the most lovable role of a mom; revelled on seeing my son crawling on his knees and taking his first wobbly steps into the world.
Five years went by like a dream, and everything seemed rosy like I thought it would, but the wicked monster of depression again reared its ugly head ……..to be contd.
Do read my recent post on How I exorcised the depression Monster in 2020 to learn that it is not all lost but conquerable and Empathy & Mental Health are Inter-linked
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla, and generously SPONSORED BY Bugshield Clothing – Enjoy Outdoors More!Â
Post partum depression is bad to those who face it. New mommy role it self is overwhelming and I can imagine without google or much online resources to prepare or educate yourself about what to expect, it must have been hard.
Really well explained, Postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and last longer, and may eventually interfere with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks.
postpartum is real and I came to know about it only when I got over it. it’s tough. many women don’t realise and start blaming themselves when it is just their hormones acting up. The glorified yummy mummy images in the media is another reason for PPD because such pictures are far from reality. The reality is harsh and acceptance takes time. Posts like yours are an eyeopener and are beneficial in creating awareness about PPD so that the new moms learn how to handle it better.
PPD is tough to handle, that too if no one is around. Being a new mommy itself is terrifying and then having PPD is like a double whammy. You don’t know where to turn to.
You have poured your heart into this piece of writing, I hear you Jite.. Post-Partum depression is for real but no one pays heed to it, rather the husband and family member will complain about you being so irritable and anxious. I second you when you say that social media and T.V. commercials have only glorified the image of new mums with all those new mom glow image, a detolled/surakshit house, and heavenly family pictures where in reality it is extreme opposite in 90% of the cases.
Thanks, Priyanka..that’s the harsh reality. Why cant there be grey images..why should they always be white, is my question.
first blog that i read and stopped to read about the author…. hats off to you for dotting so many hats in one go ……and might love to connect for some content work Wordsmith
Thank you Arti..would love to connect dear.
As per my experience, people In India don’t even want to accept that Postpartum Depression is indeed a phase of a women’s life that comes just after delivery and needs the utmost care and medication. Getting ready to face it is too far; no one wants to acknowledge this phase; they very easily keep new moms at blame. I was so surprised when here in the USA, nurses and doctors were keen to know about my behavior and mood, my appetite after delivery. In fact, they ask me to fill a form on every visit. Loving your series for a cause.
I am sure most moms would connect and nod their heads! I did so!
And yes, now we have help and even families are coming in support for the mother.
Good post
I am sure most moms would connect and nod their heads! I did so!
And yes, now we have help and even families are coming in support for the mother.
Good post ya
Looking forward to reading the next post. It’s great that you have overcome this and your sharing your experience so that other may have hope.
Being a mother and the journey comes with so many new twists and turns like you said one needs to be prepared for a major change. Post partum depression is for real I feel one doesn’t realise for long what has happened because that’s what happened to me. Today I look back and attribute that this is the reason.
PPD is very real and not the figment of anyone’s imagination. I have had friends who have battled the same. And the worst is many women start to judge themselves as well because it is drilled into you that becoming a mother is the most wonderful thing & how can you be unhappy after having a child. The only way to make this real I think is for people to start talking about it and for the family to truly support and get the professional help that is required to overcome it. If this is the situation now, I dread to think what it would have been for you 30 years ago. Kudos for handling it and coming forward to share your story!
I could relate to each and every part of the blog. I was super happy when my baby arrived but gradually everything looked like a task. I started to feel disconnected with my baby. Every time I had to breast feed I cried like a baby. I started missing myself and it took me a lot of time to heal and start loving my baby again. It’s tough for people to understand how we first time mothers may feel.
I am so sorry that you had to end up having a C-section by a non-surgeon. It is indeed harrowing! It is good that people are being made aware of PPD of late. I have had varying degrees of PPD with both my deliveries. But I am glad and grateful I had immense support too. Thanks for sharing this article
In our times, people were not aware of postpartum depression or even depression and it was not treated. Thank God there is more awareness now. Your article was so honest and it will help new mothers who are dealing with it.
I really like how you share your experiences. They’re so heartfelt. The point on how media glorifies motherhood is so apt. Real issues are rarely covered and back at the time you went through this, it must have been really difficult to cope with no much information available. Posts like yours in today’s digital world will surely help someone with hope.
Post Partum depression is very ugly indeed! I don’t understand why every new to be mom is expected to be in the best if emotions and show herself prim and proper even though she is going through a rough time herself getting used to the new routine and new feeling of being responsible for another small life. No lady is born with the training of being a mother she learns with the baby.
PPD is real and many women suffer from this. Especially with their first born baby. I can feel what you went through. With my first born I struggled a lot but with second one was well prepared. I agree nowadays new mothers and their families already know lots of things about PPD and how to handle it.
This was from the heart, Harjeet. You are so right, motherhood is glorified and new mothers often feel there is something wrong with them that they don’t have the ‘perfect’ reaction. PPD is real and there has to be a lot more awareness about it.
Postpartum depression can really be a silent killer if not identified at the earliest..this post is an eye-opener
It is really a difficult phase for a mother. Here, the woman need a helping hand badly. You have woven your words beautifully to express the real troubling period of women.
Post Partum depression is a hardcore reality. Unfortunately, not many of us talk about the same. I am so glad that Mom Bloggers have taken an initiative to talk about it. It is important that this is addressed by the doctors to the new mothers. Our society conveniently ignores the signs of post partum depression.
I am so sorry that you had to end up having a C-section by a non-surgeon. It is indeed harrowing! It is good that people are being made aware of PPD of late.
Even with Google search at our fingertips, there isn’t much awareness. The focus shifts from the mother once the baby is born and she’s told to forget about her aches and pains because “pain is a part of motherhood.” The people who make those ads about gurgling babies and happy, put-together mothers seem to have no idea what early motherhood is really like. Or probably the ugly reality doesn’t sell, so airbrush all the sleep deprivation and self-doubt!
PPD is tough to handle, that too if no one is around. I am glad that i shifted to my moms place for a month before it could hit me as i got good support from her .
Post partum depression is real and it is indeed a difficult period for women. I am glad that you are talking about your experiences, the readers can now understand the gravity of PPD. While mothers today have abundant resources to be aware of PPD , it must have been so difficult for you and other women, feeling confused, agitated and sad through the day. Kudos to you for talking about it. I have read your post on how you dealt with the depression monster and I am sure it will benefit your readers too.
Thanks, Amritha…wish everyone was aware and can get help for it. Ignorance leads to so much pain and suffering
Thats very useful and healthy bit that you have shared in such a detailed manner 🙂